4 Tips to Survive Difficult Family Dynamics, this Holiday Season

The holidays are here and, for some of us, this means… a sense of dread as we anticipate the dynamics of upcoming family gatherings. Are you feeling like: ‘How is it possible to have so many triggers at one dinner table?!’ If so, you are not alone. The holidays are especially tough for those of us who have complicated familial relationships. Strained family dynamics not only drain the fun out of the holidays, but can lead to mental, emotional, and physical symptoms of stress and anxiety. From sweaty palms to heart palpitations to sleepless nights, the holidays can take a genuine toll on our wellbeing. But the holidays don’t have to be a time of pure stress. You can always say NO and do things YOUR WAY this year.

But, if a Frank Sinatra stance isn’t in the cards just yet, and you do have to make an appearance in uncomfortable spaces amidst difficult family dynamics, try some of these suggestions.

Here are 4 Ways to Maintain Personal Peace this Holiday Season

Give Yourself Space

This might look like booking a hotel room. This way, you have your own four walls to escape to. But, if a hotel isn’t an option for you, personal space may look like little breaks away from the larger group or simply from specific people whom you find challenging. Grab some quiet time in another room, even just 10 minutes alone can help you regroup. Sneak off to your car and listen to a few of your favourite songs or call a supportive friend. Take a walk around the block and lower that heart rate with some fresh air. Space might also look like claiming the chair at the corner end of the table, so you can feel the open space next to you. Remember, take deep breaths and ‘personal space’ breaks on your terms.

Take Charge of Your Arrival and Departure Times

Before attending any potentially stressful gatherings, make some decisions about how long you’ll stay. Empower yourself to be in charge. If three hours is your limit, stick with that. And don’t let others’ expectations derail you. This might mean leaving partway through the gift exchange and, if so, that’s okay! If the three-hour mark arrives, and you’re feeling the need to exit, it’s time to go! On the other hand, if your set time arrives and you’re feeling okay to stay, then stay a little longer. Give yourself permission to come and go on your terms. To do this, ensure you have your transportation. This might mean booking an Uber, and not relying on other family members for a drive. If you are travelling with your own immediate family, be clear about your arrival and departure plans so everyone involved knows what to expect.

Limit Your Yeses

Sure, you may have several invites to attend parties and gatherings but that doesn’t mean you have to say yes to all of them! Quite simply, your time is yours. That’s right, your free time belongs to you. Now, get yourself grounded in this fact. Say it with us “My free time is my time; it belongs to me.” Now, don’t get us wrong, we know it can feel like “free” time is non-existent, especially this time of year. But where there is a will, there’s a way and choosing to protect whatever free time you do have is worth fighting for. Nobody else can do it for you though. So, remember, when the invites start to come in, keep the obligation to a minimum and instead choose the events that work for you and your immediate family members. Less can very much be more when it comes to holiday peace.

Plan Before and After Care for Yourself

Giving your time and energy to difficult family dynamics can be exhausting and emotionally draining. But before, and after, you head into a space that challenges you, treat yourself with care. Maybe this looks like going for a long walk or booking in for a massage. Perhaps it’s curling up on the couch with a blanket and a good book or some extended cuddles with your pet. Before and after self-care can be a long bath or vegging out to your favourite Netflix series. Whatever you choose to do, do it with intention. This is your time to decompress and re-ground.

The holidays are hectic and sometimes they feel flat-out brutal to our sense of wellness. This year, take a stance— even if it’s a few little Frank Sinatra moments amidst the obligatory gatherings. Your emotional wellness is in your own hands so be sure to protect yourself. At the same time, this does not mean you have to do it all on your own.

If you are looking to better support yourself, individual counselling might be a good addition to your wellness plan. Feel free to reach out to our team here at Counselling & Co. and we can help you find the right therapist for you.